


i am not myself

by nui (cogito)



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Gen, outer science ayano style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1539566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cogito/pseuds/nui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ayano tateyama has a dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am not myself

**Author's Note:**

> Playing with some ideas. Not everything makes sense but that's the point.

(1)

When Ayano wakes up, class is over and everyone’s slowly filing out. The breeze is light against her. She’s staring at the crumpled papers on her desk and Shintaro is staring at her with a face that she barely registers as worry. He’s not one to worry about others, but the way his eyebrows are pulled taut and his lips pulled into a thin frown, Ayano thinks, ah, yes. That’s his kind of worry. It’s worry for her, isn’t it?

So she smiles, eyes crinkling with tired lines, and her lips pull into a wide smile of her own. “What’s up, Shintaro-k-” The word melts, as her stomach growls, but she’s forgotten to pack a lunch today. Instead, she scratches her cheek, a quiet, airy laugh whistling out of her as Shintaro clambers upwards out of his chair, nearly tripping. She doesn’t laugh. A quick scan of his desk seems to show that he’s missing al ucn as well. Normally, she’d share her lunch with him, but with the funeral planning and the trio planning something themselves, she’s yet to sit down and actually cook for once.

“I’m getting some air.” Shintaro murmurs, pushing himself out of his chair, turning towards the door.

“Sure, Shintaro-kun. I’ll be here.”

As soon as the doors slide open, then closed, Ayano rests her head on her desk, tucking away her tests and papers beneath the cover, and closes her eyes.

 

(2)

Ayano sees lights. Her face scrunches, trying to adjust.

They are bright and glaring and too hot against her skin. There are bubbling noises against her ears. As she tries to blink aware of her surroundings, her own breathing echoes in the thin tube she finds herself in. Her head is stone; moving it even a little is exhausting. Inhale and exhales sway in tune to the bubbles in ear ears. Her eyes feel heavy, she can’t move.

Staring in front of her, through what seems like a thin sheet of glass, is her father with his back turned. A black cellphone sits curled in his fingers, and she can hear his voice. It comes back jumbled and gargled, however, as if she’s underwater. 

She doesn’t stay awake for much longer. Her weighed down eyes slowly close again. Faintly, she can almost make out the faint outlines of a red that she doesn’t remember.

But, she thinks, it’s a rather nice colour, isn’t it?

 

When she wakes again, there is red everywhere. For a moment, she’s excited. Look at that beautiful colour everywhere. She spins, but something stops her, and she nearly trips. Her arm is too heavy, too pale and white and stained when her uniform was black and crisp. Red eyes following the length of her arm, Ayano screams at what she’s found there. 

It’s Kido, desperately trying to wrap her hands around Ayano’s arms, trying to reach her face. Her voice is weak, mumbling soft, “Onee-chans,” that are as rattle against her broken ribs. Her hand is too deeply embedded into Kido’s body, piercing nearly all the way through. In the corner of her eye, she sees Kano, making a lunge to try and reach what she presumes is Kido. She reaches her other hand reaches out towards him, “Kano- please-”

Her own voice echoes in her ears like the biting wind. Her other hand is weighed down by the metal handle of a gun. In the instant Kano seems to have reached her, the gun twitches, her hand recoils, Kano slumps against the floor. Kido slides off her arm, and tries to haul herself towards Kano’s body. She’s trying to protect him, Ayano realizes, even now, even when big sis is killing him.

As she turns to leave her dying siblings alone, Seto is suddenly standing in front of her.

“Wait, I don’t-” Her voice desperately calls out, but again her body rejects her commands. Snakes slither off her arms, lunging towards Seto. She can hear him call his name, desperately trying to stop her. “I’m sorry, I’m trying, Seto! I’m sorry- ” She chokes, but her body doesn’t listen to her command.

The girl behind him screams. Ayano’s hands fly to clutch her head. It hurts, pain searing at the back of her head and spreading in her entire body, escalating until she finally blacks out again.

 

(3) 

Ayano wakes up again lightheaded. Shintaro seems to have returned. His face is wide in surprised as he looks at her and as she looks back. He recovers first, dropping a sandwich on her desk. His face is wearing that look of worry again. Ayano’s smile comes slower this time, still trying to understand the things she’s seen.

“T-thanks, Shintaro-kun…” 

Instead, he just nods. She unwraps the sandwich in silence. 

A couple of minutes later, Shintaro speaks up again. “You’ve got a little tomato on your face there, Ayano.”

“Ah, is that so? Thanks for telling me… That’s pretty embarrassing…” As she reaches to wipe the tomato off her face, she freezes.

Tomatoes are red too, aren’t they?

**Author's Note:**

> Japanese school desks function like this, by the way! http://www.iondecorating.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/picture-5686.png


End file.
